Evolutionary thighs

But why can’t it just go to my boobs?

So are we not all awaiting the day that we become so biologically evolved, that weight loss or weight gain will be simply deposited to areas that we subconsciously select ourselves? Maybe some brain-to-body neurotransmitter mutation arises, where we then discover it is quite the benefactory to our survival. Thus helping us to lose the weight you still feel you’re hauling on your hips from a cheat day that’s lasted 2 months, or helping us to plump up a body part, in a bid to attract a mate. Times will be changing Mr Darwin.

Though we’d all probably find a part of our body we’d like to change; either for it to be lesser in mass, or greater in size, but a lot of the time, you won’t have any subconscious control over whether it changes or not. Okay, so you could curl a few extra kg to help bulk the bicep; embrace the ‘male’ push-up to help puff out the pecs, or squat low enough for the hairs on your glutes to brush the floor, to help junk out the trunk. However, some of the food we use to diet, or the supplements we take for change, doesn’t always benefit the areas we’d most hoped and end up with some significant changes we certainly wouldn’t have signed up for, had we known beforehand.

So as I complete my outfit with my mid-calf boots and top my fingers with my birth stone Pandora ring, I realise I’ve stumbled out of the door with only one shoe left on and an empty finger, as my ring now finds itself engaged with the carpet of the hallway. A change in clothes size and a slightly useful contouring of the face that hasn’t come from make-up, are deals that you can tend to accept with weight loss. On the other hand, I definitely didn’t sign up for the drop in shoe size that has now left almost all pairs of footwear desperately clinging on to the edges of my feet, or these skinny, alien, salad fingers that could easily be confused for E.T, had he not been sent home.

Who’d have thought that there was anything to even lose around your fingers, or it was even possible for your feet to grow backwardly, or even that your knees can slowly morph to become more knobbly than those of a giraffe. I suspect a 3 stone loss in body mass, eventually my body must’ve just used any possible source it could to help keep my body functioning. Even if that has meant me having to downgrade my favourite ring, from my third finger to my thumb, or padding out my trainers with a few extra layers of socks to fit what feel like clown shoes.

I can’t say that my fingers have made the top of the list of where I’d like to see the future, inevitable weight gain land itself, I think I made such clear in my ‘hunt for my bum‘ post. This still very much remains the priority.

As long as I keep up my Yoga, maybe one day I can enlighten my way to training my body psychology to gain weight to the places it was lost; mentally directing that sweet potato to take comfort in the cheeks of my bum… I’ll let you know how that goes.

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