Outweighing the Scales

What do you do when the scales fall from the high heavens, land beneath your feet and confirm your greatest fear that you really have gained the equivalent weight of a small human in the past year?

If you’re me, then you probably started crying in the middle of the gym floor, escaped to the loo where you sat for the remainder of your lunch break, hoping that your weight could just fall off you and be flushed away to the depths of Shoreditch’s drains.

That said, I eventually got over it. Only because I had to venture back to work, however in reality, all I wanted to do was stay there and run on the treadmill into oblivion and watch my weight wisp away. Though all that would probably do is trigger horrible memories of doing just that for 2 years on end, day in and day out. So all in all, it was probably a good thing that I had to go back to work.

Scales always have and always will be something I hate and try to avoid at all costs (except when I’m baking, because cake is life), but something, somewhere in my brain, seemed to have needed some kind of affirmation to what the scales were screaming when “they fell beneath me” a few weeks ago.

They really are such a false justification of your health and in most instances, do they really ever bring you anything you want to see? Now that I know how much I weigh, all I can now visualise staring back at me from every mirror and reflection is a huge elephant that can’t control her eating habits any more. When in actual fact, I’m quite possibly the healthiest and happiest I’ve ever been in my body.

Partly due to the fact that weight comes on so much faster to those who have been starved of food for so long and partly due to the fact I cycle to work now and have quads the size of a metal bollard, the weight gain was always going to be inevitable.

I don’t think I’d have seen, done or achieved anything of what I have done in the last year as a result of better mental and physical health, and I certainly wouldn’t have landed the gem I’ve managed to somehow convince to be in a relationship with me. I don’t know he’d have fancied a skinny alien who he couldn’t take out for breakfasts, lunches and dinners. What a ballache that would be.

So no, it wasn’t exactly easy to have confirmation I’d gained as much weight as I have done in the last year but I think the small human weight gain was incredibly needed.

Everything in my life at that weight on the scales now, completely outweighs (pun totally intended) everything in my life at the weight on the scales 2 years ago. So that’s all I really care about.

Ignore the scales. They don’t measure mental health.

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